Bill Gates in Hell

Bill Gates died and found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. "Well, Bill," God said, "I’m really confused about this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. So I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?" God said, "I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I’m going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "Okay, then, let’s try Hell first." So off Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," God replied, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How’s everything going, Bill?" God asked. Bill responded (his voice full of anguish and disappointment), "This is awful; this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?" "Ah," God smiled and said, "That was just the screensaver."

Interesting facts of men !

1. The nice men are ugly. 2. The handsome men are not nice. 3. The handsome and nice men are gay. 4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. 6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. 7. The handsome men without money are after our money. 8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. 9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. 10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God that they are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! 11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

Pakistani Maths Question Paper ...

Pakistani Maths Question Paper ... Instructions i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot. ii) Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda Group . iii) Ak 47 -s and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. iv)Students may keep their daggers,Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100 All questions are compulsory. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder .He has 7 wifes in his house. Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul Has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve. 2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijhuana, hasis, haroine and LSD s are 50,60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LSD he bought. 3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs. 4. Mohammed has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited.He has to threaten 10 people per day over the Telephone. 40% of the people he threatens are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessmen in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepers in Calcutta . If ISD charges are rupaye 15, 25,40, 50 per minute from Mohammed's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi, Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai , threatened in that particular month. 5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak47.one AK 49,one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training .One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $ ,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each , a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $. The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed . Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group. 6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2-16 = i ; Find out x. 7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %. Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80 %. Find the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general. 8.Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens correction ( That is taking the value of PI = 786 instead of 3.14....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon. Recieved in an email...

Side effects of alcohol ... and remedies!!!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet. Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet). Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward 2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights. Cause: You're lying on the floor. Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor. 3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry. Cause: You're looking through an empty glass. Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage. 4. Symptom: The floor is moving. Cause: You're being dragged away. Cure: At least ask where they're taking you. 5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks. Cause: You have your glass on your ear. Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself! 6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive. Cause: You're in an ambulance. Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job. 7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny. Cause: You're in the wrong house. Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

Women V/S Men

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine. Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. ..................... NOW TWO MEN TALKING =================== Man 1: Haircut? Man 2: Yeah.

Water or Pepsi !

Which one is the 'Real Thing' ??? We all know that water is important but you've never seen it written down like this before. WATER 1) 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.) 2) In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger. 3) Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%. 4) One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study. 5) Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. 6) Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers. 7) A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page. 8) Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day? PEPSI 1) In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Pepsi or Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident. 2) You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Pepsi and it will be gone in two days. 3) To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Pepsi into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Pepsi removes stains from vitreous china. 4) To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Pepsi. 5) To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Pepsi over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion. 6) To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola or Pepsi to the rusted bolt for several minutes. FOR YOUR INFORMATION: 1) The active ingredient in Pepsi is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis. 2) To carry Pepsi (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials. 3) The distributors of Pepsi have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Now the question is would YOU like a glass of water or Pepsi?