You know you're living in 2005 when...

You know you're living in 2005 when... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. 6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner. 7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line. 8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies. 10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news. 11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job. 12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home. 13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen. 14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee. 16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :-) 17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself. Go on, forward this to your friends ...you know you want to... I did! From one of the emails, I received.

How does Stock Markets Work?

The Red Indians on the remote reservation asked their New Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Being a Red Indian chief in a modern society, he couldn't predict. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he replied to his Tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members Of the village should collect wood to be prepared. But also being a practical leader, he called the National Weather Service and asked "Is the coming winter going to be cold?" "It looks like this winter is Going to be quite cold indeed," the meteorologist at the weather service Responded. So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more Wood. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Is it Going to be a very cold winter?""Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "It's definitely going to be a very cold winter." The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect Every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later, he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you Absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely," The Man replied. "It's going to be one of the coldest winters ever." "How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked. The weatherman replied, "The Red Indians are collecting wood like Crazy."

Bill Gates in Hell

Bill Gates died and found himself in Purgatory being sized up by God. "Well, Bill," God said, "I’m really confused about this call; I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in the world, and yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. So I’m going to do something I’ve never done before. In your case, I’m going to let you decide where you want to go!" Bill replied, "Well, thanks, God. What’s the difference between the two?" God said, "I’m willing to let you visit both places briefly if it will help you make a decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" God said, "I’m going to leave that up to you." Bill said, "Okay, then, let’s try Hell first." So off Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining, the temperature was perfect. Bill was very pleased. "This is great!" he told God. "If this is Hell, I REALLY want to see Heaven!" "Fine," said God and off they went. Heaven was a high place in the clouds, with angels drifting about playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a quick minute and rendered his decision. "Hmm, I think I prefer Hell," he told God. "Fine," God replied, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell. Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When God arrived in Hell, he found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons. "How’s everything going, Bill?" God asked. Bill responded (his voice full of anguish and disappointment), "This is awful; this is not what I expected. I can’t believe this happened. What happened to that other place with the beaches and the beautiful women playing in the water?" "Ah," God smiled and said, "That was just the screensaver."

Interesting facts of men !

1. The nice men are ugly. 2. The handsome men are not nice. 3. The handsome and nice men are gay. 4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. 5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. 6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. 7. The handsome men without money are after our money. 8. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don't think we are beautiful enough. 9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. 10.The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God that they are heterosexual, are shy and NEVER MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!!! 11. The men who never make the first move, automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

Pakistani Maths Question Paper ...

Pakistani Maths Question Paper ... Instructions i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot. ii) Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will be forced to join Al Qayda Group . iii) Ak 47 -s and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. iv)Students may keep their daggers,Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self defense. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100 All questions are compulsory. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder .He has 7 wifes in his house. Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul Has 1700 Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out and earn money so that his wives do not starve. 2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijhuana, hasis, haroine and LSD s are 50,60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LSD he bought. 3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran bowled 9.3 overs. 4. Mohammed has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private Limited.He has to threaten 10 people per day over the Telephone. 40% of the people he threatens are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessmen in Delhi, 20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepers in Calcutta . If ISD charges are rupaye 15, 25,40, 50 per minute from Mohammed's city Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi, Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema stars in Mumbai , threatened in that particular month. 5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak47.one AK 49,one Rocket Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training .One AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $ ,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs 250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each , a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote Control is 500 $. The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 % are court-martialed . Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to provide each year to run such a group. 6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in pakistan is given by the following equation X exp3 +X exp2-16 = i ; Find out x. 7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %. Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80 %. Find the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a Military general. 8.Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem with Osama BIn Ladens correction ( That is taking the value of PI = 786 instead of 3.14....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon. Recieved in an email...

Side effects of alcohol ... and remedies!!!

1. Symptom: Cold and humid feet. Cause: Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the drink on your feet). Cure: Maneuver glass until open end is facing upward 2. Symptom: The wall facing you is full of lights. Cause: You're lying on the floor. Cure: Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor. 3. Symptom: The floor looks blurry. Cause: You're looking through an empty glass. Cure: Quickly refill with your favorite beverage. 4. Symptom: The floor is moving. Cause: You're being dragged away. Cure: At least ask where they're taking you. 5. Symptom: You hear echoes every time someone speaks. Cause: You have your glass on your ear. Cure: Stop making a fool of yourself! 6. Symptom: The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive. Cause: You're in an ambulance. Cure: Don't move. Let the professionals do their job. 7. Symptom: Your dad and all your brothers are looking at you funny. Cause: You're in the wrong house. Cure: Ask if they can point you to your house.

Women V/S Men

Woman 1: Oh! You got a haircut! That's so cute! Woman 2: Do you think so? I wasn't sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don't think it's too fluffy looking? Woman 1: No, it's perfect. I'd love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I'm pretty much stuck with this stuff I think. Woman 2: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck. Woman 1: Oh - that's funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from these football player shoulders of mine. Woman 2: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms, see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier. ..................... NOW TWO MEN TALKING =================== Man 1: Haircut? Man 2: Yeah.

Water or Pepsi !

Which one is the 'Real Thing' ??? We all know that water is important but you've never seen it written down like this before. WATER 1) 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated. (Likely applies to half world population.) 2) In 37% of Americans, the thirst mechanism is so weak that it is often mistaken for hunger. 3) Even MILD dehydration will slow down one's metabolism as much as 3%. 4) One glass of water will shut down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University of Washington study. 5) Lack of water, the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue. 6) Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers. 7) A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or on a printed page. 8) Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50%less likely to develop bladder cancer. Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day? PEPSI 1) In many states (in the USA) the highway patrol carries two gallons of Pepsi or Coke in the trunk to remove blood from the highway after a car accident. 2) You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of Pepsi and it will be gone in two days. 3) To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Pepsi into the toilet bowl and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The citric acid in Pepsi removes stains from vitreous china. 4) To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper with a rumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in Pepsi. 5) To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of Pepsi over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion. 6) To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola or Pepsi to the rusted bolt for several minutes. FOR YOUR INFORMATION: 1) The active ingredient in Pepsi is phosphoric acid. Its pH is 2.8. It will dissolve a nail in about four days. Phosphoric acid also leaches calcium from bones and is a major contributor to the rising increase in osteoporosis. 2) To carry Pepsi (the concentrate) the commercial truck must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly corrosive materials. 3) The distributors of Pepsi have been using it to clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years! Now the question is would YOU like a glass of water or Pepsi?

The Cellular Explosion

The cellular explosion It was a year of living dangerously with your cell phone. Badly made or counterfeit cell phone batteries caused an unprecedented number of injuries in the United States in 2004. About a dozen people were seriously hurt by overheating cell phone batteries that exploded or launched shrapnel that burned at 800 degrees Fahrenheit. Handset makers and operators later in the year began to sharpen battery standards. It was hectic for two major U.S. operators, too. By year's end, the nation's top six wireless operators had nearly consolidated to four. In mid-November, Cingular Wireless closed its $41 billion deal to buy AT&T Wireless. In early December, Sprint said it would buy Nextel Communications for $35 billion. While the billions spent make Cingular Wireless the largest U.S. carrier, former No. 1 Verizon Wireless sank only to the No. 2 slot--without making any moves to counter Cingular's growth. China passed the United States this year as the world's largest cell phone market. By August, China had 315.1 million phones in circulation, almost twice as many in the United States. It was easy pickings. China still has one of the world's lowest per-capita cell phone rates in the world. In the United States, cell phone operators have very little room left in the way of quick and easy expansion because nearly two-thirds of the nation already owns a cell phone. Open-source software dialed into the cell phone in February, when Motorola introduced the first platform based on Linux, and said most models will follow suit. It's a major sign of the growing popularity of the operating system outside its stronghold in high-end computers. By late spring, cell phone makers were introducing Wi-Fi phones, bringing new threats and opportunities to wireless carriers and traditional phone service providers. The highly anticipated hybrid phones let people make connections through a local wireless Internet access point, switching over to a cellular network whenever necessary. The result: greater flexibility in mobile communications. By year's end, wireless data services began living up to some of the hype they debuted with three years ago. Both Sprint and Verizon projected billion-dollar annual revenues this year from selling data services such as instant messages, or downloading games and ring tones. The precedent isn't much to brag about. In Europe, data is up to a fifth of an operators overall revenues, while in the United States, it generates less than 4 percent. --Ben Charny @ CNet News http://news.com.com

Dangerous 26 !!!

Just amazing to note that many of the earthquakes that appeared all over the world in the recent past were all on the date 26. 2001 January 26 - Gujarat, India 2001 September 26 - Chennai, India 2002 December 26 - China 2003 January 26 - Newzealand 2003 May 26 - Japan / Taiwan 2003 September 26 - Japan(Hokaido) 2003 October 26 - China (Sunsu) 2003 December 26 - Iran 2004 December 26 - South east Asia

Interesting one !

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish. "Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." said the wife. The fairy moved her magic stick and - abracadabra! - two tickets for the new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands. Now it was the husbands turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once in a lifetime, so, I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me." The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish... So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and -abracadabra! - the husband became 92 years old. The moral of this story: "Fairies are female."

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Outsourcing ! 

The 40 Richest Indians

1 Lakshmi N Mittal - Mittal Steel 2 Azim Premji - Wipro 3 Mukesh & Anil Ambani - Reliance 4 Kumar Mangalam Birla - A V Birla 5 Pallonji Mistry - Tata Sons 6 Sunil Mittal - Bharti Group 7 Shiv Nadar - HCL 8 Adi Godrej - Godrej Inds 9 Malvinder & Shivinder Singh- Ranbaxy 10 Dilip Sanghvi - Sun Pharma 11 Anil Agarwal - Sterlite 12 Shashi & Ravi Ruia - Essar 13 Om Prakash Jindal - Jindal Group 14 Rahul Bajaj - Bajaj Auto 15 N R Narayana Murthy - Infosys 16 Subhash Chandra - Zee Telefilms 17 Yusuf Hamed - Cipla 18 Brijmohan Lal Munjal - Hero Group 19 Habil Khorakiwala - Wockhardt 20 Vivek Burman - Dabur 21 Nandan Nilekani- Infosys 22 S Gopalakrishnan - Infosys 23 N S Raghavan - Infosys 24 Narendra Patni - Patni Comp 25 Ajay Piramal - Nicholas Piramal 26 Vijay Mallya - UB Group 27 Pankaj Patel - Zydus Cadila 28 Baba Kalyani - Kalyani Group 29 B Ramalinga Raju - Satyam 30 Kiran Mazumdar-Shaw Biocon 31 Karsanbhai Patel - Nirma 32 K Dinesh - Infosys 33 Uday Kotak - Kotak Mahindra 34 S D Shibulal - Infosys 35 K Anji Reddy - Dr Reddy's 36 Narottam Sekhsaria - Gujarat Ambuja 37 Jaiprakash Gaur- Jaiprakash Inds 38 Shyam & Hari Bhartia - Jubilant Organo 39 Keshub Mahindra - M&M 40 Desh Bandhu Gupta - Lupin Source: Rediff.com

I wish, I can see this Auto Rickshaw in Ahmedabad soon ! 

Indian v/s Chinese

This is Hilarious !! Click Here

VEER- ZAARA revisited

Main ID number 12345 cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon apni hi tarah khaali baithe colleagues ko dekhta hoon kabhi mail karta kabhi coffee peeta kabhi CUG pe baat karta HR-site per apna sa koi dhoondhta rehta woh kehte hain woh PL hai woh kehte hain woh senior hai fir kyon mere jaisa lagta hai kyon din bhar Fw: padhta hai Main ID number 12345 cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon cabin me baithe apne PM ko dekhta hoon kabhi phone pe kabhi con-call pe gussa utarta jaane kis pe who kehte hain project aane wala hai training complete karo , kaam aane wala hai fir kyon mujhe yeh jhootha sa lagta hai fir kyon yeh sapna sa lagta hai Main ID number 12345 cubicle ke dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon Doosri companiyon ko join kar chuke purane doston ko dekhta hoon woh kehte hain bond ka kya hai, chale jao woh kehte hain kahin aur kismat aazmao fir kyon bond todne se dil darta hai abhi ek saal aur intezaar karne ko jee karta hai main ID number 12345 cubicle ki dewaron ke us paar dekhta hoon

What happens when you: 1) have nothing to do 2) own a sharp knife 3) have a large lime 4) own a patient cat 5) drink too much tequila 6) and it's football season?  

Capricorn ! That's me ! 

TIME Asia Magazine: Hey, Big Spenders -- Sep. 01, 2003

TIME Asia Magazine: Hey, Big Spenders -- Sep. 01, 2003